Last night, I stood in my kitchen and surveyed the dishes in the sink, the shoes and book bags on the floor, and the smudges all over my slider door. It was in that moment that I realized something. I like myself more now than I have in a long time.
The healthy me would have been stressed over a messy kitchen and yelling at kids over book bags and shoes. The healthy me would have had the Windex out, scrubbing away any trace of my nephew’s window kisses. The healthy me would have been irritated at my husband for taking the kids to the store at 9pm.
The healthy me was a miserable control freak.
Do I wish I felt great? Absolutely, who doesn’t? But these past few years of suffering from chronic Lyme disease have taught me some pretty cool lessons. I am not the same person. I don’t have the same heart. I have reexamined my priorities.
Name brand clothing and fancy purses? Not so important when you can’t leave your house. Expensive cars and gadgets? You can’t take them with you when you die. A perfect house? Who cares!
When I got sick, my first prayer request was not for healing. I asked God to change my heart. I asked him to make me a nicer, more compassionate person. Last night, as I stood in my messy kitchen with no makeup on, in my worn sweatpants, joking with my son and my husband, I realized that while I have been focused on my disease, God has been focused on me. He has changed my heart. And the truth is, I wouldn’t change a single thing about the past four years because I have learned invaluable lessons, met amazing people, and I have found the rainbow in the midst of the storm.
Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. NLT